51 Things
by thatgryffindorgirl
Summary: 51 things vampires and banned from doing, read for a good laugh.
1. 51 Things Edward May Not Do

51 things Edward Cullen is not allowed to do

_1. Read Charlies thoughts  
2. Take every single egg out of the house  
3. Play any Debussy song at 11pm.  
4. Or sing to Debussy as it is very disturbing  
5. Call Jessica Stanely a whore.  
6. Or Mike Newton a pervert  
7. Kill Mr. Banner  
8. Run around the house naked  
9. Flirt with every girl in sight  
10. Break into Bella's house  
11. Claim Carlsile to be gay.  
12. And say that he has a crush on Jasper  
13. Jump from buildings  
14. Go to Volterra in Italy.  
15. And try to commit suicide by having the Volturi kill you.  
16. Or try to commit suicide, end of  
17. Kidnap Leah and force her to wear a collar and take her for a walk.  
18. Or replace a greek statue with marshmallow  
19. Steal Alices clothes and wear them to school the next day.  
20. And turn them into goth clothes  
21. Take Rosalies car and paint it black and red.  
22. Or never touch her car at all  
23. Were speodos  
24. Speak to Jacob Black in any form  
25. Tell Bella that he'll change her if she can juggle Esme's china set.  
26. Or jump of a cliff  
27. Call Alice a pixie (even if she does look like one.  
28. Or say that Esme has a gigantic forehead  
29. Dye any of Rosalie's clothes black.  
30. Or any of Carlsile's pink  
31. Kill a human even if they taste good  
32. Scream Chemicals React whenever he sees a girl.  
33. Or sing anything whilst in public and at home  
34. Dress up in a princess ball gown.  
35. And then tell everyone to call him Princess Rosie  
36. Play rock songs on the guitar or piano.  
37. Then sing the song at the top of his lungs  
38. Dress up in a Santa costume at Christmas and attempt to climb down the chimney  
39. Climb down the chimney and say that you're Father Christmas  
40. Throw mini eggs at everyone that isn't in the 'Easter Spirit'  
41. Give every person you know a chicken for Easter  
42. Pretend to fart everytime Jasper sits down somewhere  
43. Refer to yourself in third person for over an hour.  
44. Or speak of yourself in third person at all  
45. Say that Alice has a big bum  
46. Drool when Bella comes out of the shower.  
47. And then stalk everywhere around the town  
48. Wear a Superman costume and jump from tree to tree pretending to be a superheroes  
49. Or any other superheroe  
50. Walk around the town naked covered in whipped cream with chocolate sauce and a cherry on his head_

***Bella sticks the poster onto the living room wall next the Emmetts very long list of rules***  
"Do you think he'll stick to the rules Alice?" Bella Swan said  
"No. It may last about a week or so though..." Alice Cullen replied  
***Edward comes rushing through the front door and into the living room wearing a Count Dracula costume with his fangs showing***  
"Happy Halloveen!!!!!! Vell, vell vell. Vhat do ve have here then?" Edward asks in a funny accent  
"oh no..." Bella and Alice mumble in unison  
***Alice tears the pen out of Bella's hand and scribbles down someting***

_51. On Halloween Edward is not allowed to dress up as Count Dracula use a funny accent and show his fangs off._


	2. 51 Things Esme May Not Do

51 things esme cullen is not allowed to do

1. throw kitchen knifes at carlsile.  
2. or a stainless steel pan.  
3. in fact, esme is not allowed to throw any kitchen appliances at anyone, period. (especially bella)  
4. attempt to teach emmett how to cook.  
5. or edward.  
6. or jasper.  
7. or carlsile, no teaching people to cook 8. force bella to play dress up.  
9. and then run from the room screaming "ahhhh, someone help me, he's trying to murder me!!!!!!" when edward comes to rescue her 10. proclaim carsile to be gay.  
11. and that he has a crush on jasper.  
12. or edward.  
13. or emmett.  
14. and no saying the boys are gay!  
15. chuck onions and garlice cloves at people that don't like her food.  
16. no throwing, period.  
17. say that she's preganant.  
18. and that the baby's father is jasper as alice will kill her.  
19. or edward as bella will kill her.  
20. or emmett as rosalie will violentely kill her.  
21. turn any boy's ringtone on her phone to gay boyfriend 22. put a kilogram of chillipowder into curry.  
23. and then deny all knowledge of it, saying that it wasn't her 24. give rosalie and emmett the talk.  
25. or edward and bella.  
26. or alice and jasper 27. proclaim yourself to be hermione granger.  
28. or emmett to be harry potter.  
29. or carlsile to be draco malfoy.  
30. and jasper to be ron weasley 31. state that she had hot sex with jasper.  
32. or edward.  
33. or any man or woman!  
34. dress up in baggy trousers and lots of bling.  
35. then say that she's a 'gangster from the hood.  
36. and attempt to do hip hop dancing / jazz / rock n' roll 37. sing to any pop songs, especially beyonce and shakira 38. paint edwards volvo pink and stick sequins and feathers to it.  
39. or alice's porsche.  
40. or any of the cullen cars 41. smack carlsile over the head with a meat tenderiezer.  
42. and then say to the doctors at the hospital that he fell on it.  
43. or swat flies with a meat tendereizer.  
44. actually, no going near a hammer or meat tendereizer 45. buy more than 2 houses, and make the faily bankrupt 46. dance to any lady gaga 47. dress like kate perry or lady gaga 48. kidnap jane volturi and force her to decorate a house with you 49. run around the house naked with a banner saying 'miss. sexy' on 50. start a nudist colony were you are covered as a desserts

"do you think esme will stick to the rules?" alice cullen wondered *loud bang! carlsile comes rushing through the door, followed by esme with a kitchen knife in her hand*  
"come back her carlsile cullen!!!!!!!!"  
"dear god..." bella swan whispered *bella tears the pen out of alices hand and scribbles something down*

51. esme is not allowed to go within a 10 foot radius of all kitchen appliances and the kitchen 


	3. 51 Things Jasper May Not Do

51 Things Jasper Cullen May Not Do

1. Make Everyone believe hes leaving so he can go join emmetts nudist colony with out taking a ledge

2. Tell Esme her cooking sucks

3. or bella...

4. or anyone

5. Say emmetts gay

6. or edward

7. or carlise

8. or that edward is having an affair with carlisle

9. or with esme

10. or with jacob

11. or with emmett

12. or with anyone but Bella

13. Bite Weapons of mass destruction and tell them to be his army and to kill all werewolves

14. then say charlies gun made him do it or hed shoot bella and edward

15. run round singing mamma mia

16. run round singing anything

17. run round with carlises pants on his head

18. or edwards pants

19. or emmetts pants

20. or esmes bras

21. or rosalies bras and thongs

22. or bellas bras

23. or emmetts lacy sports bras

24. tell bella edwards gay

25. tell alice that he is gay

26. tell rosalie emmett is gay

27. tell esme carlisle is gay

an affair with seth

29. or leah

30. or jacob

31. or billy

32. or any werewolf

33. join the army

34. run round in his army uniform and gun saying in a creepy voice "im gonna kill ya" or "who's nexttttt?"

35. change peoples emotions to make them feel high

36. or drunk

37. dress up in wings and a red dress with a cross bow and arrows and say hes cupid and that alice is his Aphrodite

38. dress up in a dress,straighen his hair and put high heels on then say hes cinderella

39. shave off his hair to be come a punk rocker

40. be a punk rocker anyway

41. join emmetts nudist colony and take a pledge

42. juggle esmes favourite china

43. even for a dare

44. call himself honey bear

45. or baby boo cause its gay

46. put his hair in pig tails and say to alice its the fashion

47. set off 50 year old bomb for the sake of it

48. try to start a civil war

49. give all of Alice clothes to homeless people

50. set bella's clothes alight and say it was Alice

**Bellas Pov**

sticks the list up and marvels her work "how long do you think he'll keep to it"

"dunno bella maybe a week or 2 and number 50 isnt a bad idea"

"your right alice and no ita a terrible idea" ohhhh godddd

emmett was chasing jasper yelling "GIVE ME BACK MY LACY SILKY SPORTS BRAS JASPER... YOUR DEAD YOU SINGING LITTLE GIRL YOU CAN RUN BUT YOU CAN'T HIDE"

"emmett" I said

"yes" he replyed skidding to a halt

"you wear sports bras???"

"umm yea they help tone my pecks plus their comfy"

"okayyyyy" someone give me a pen" takes the pink fluffy alice hands her "thanks alice"

51. Run Around singing while wearing anyones underwear or clothing on his head

Written By Twilightbbe11


	4. 51 Things Rosalie May Not Do

51 things rosalie cullen may not do

-decorate edwards volvo with polka dot patterns and fluff the air freshner in the cars.  
to create a plan with alice to dress up bella on emmett at all.  
if he tries to get her to join his nudist colony.  
set alices wardrobe alight.  
if she smahes up her machanic inventions.  
the toliet plunger to try to kill carsile bella anyone at all.  
of having sex with billy black jacob black any werewolf at .  
up like danni minouge.  
to sing kylie minouge songs.

her wrench as a curling tongs on alice say bellas cheese baguate told her to do it.  
that the ducks are out to get her forks into vampires.  
try to make them do the washing.  
if they don't then throwing them at jasper.  
say alice took conrol of her mind.  
a dog and call him .  
to make him mate with .  
collect it's pee and make esme drink it.  
say that it makes you glow with beauty.  
all of alice and bellas knickers to create a hammock for her bed.  
with jasper,edward,emmett and carsiles pants.  
emmetts sports bras!  
esmes expensive silver pans to make a awesome skateboard.  
to everyone that edward cullen and jasper cullen are having a incest affair.  
porn and then say that jaspers feet told her to.  
the school uniform to a boobtube dresses saying 'join forks high school - we have sugary cream horns!  
the barney theme tune as emmetts ringtone.  
anyones!  
alec up with aro to die to join the volturi.  
if they offer a unlimited amount of mariland cookies.  
limited addition count duckula figurines.  
alice.  
she won't be able to shop anymore.  
around forks with just a lacy and skimpy bra and boxer shorts a torn wedding dress for halloween and scare newlyweds.  
say she is the hades haunted wife.  
a meat tenenizer to play baseball with.  
carsile as the ball.  
flies with esmes rare china.  
young children that she's superwoman and then bang into and dent a lampost.  
steal edwards superman and return it to him after adding sequins, pink buttons and a banner saying 'i'm gay!'

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

as jasper stuck the poster up he asked bella "how long do you reckon it will last?"  
"i don't know, but at the max, a week."  
suddenly there was a loud crash and rosalie rushing past on a silver skateboard that she had melted from esmes pans from france. esme was shouting at her as she ran past - number 31, rosalie, number 31!  
the rest just sighed as alice passed a pen to carsile who write down the last rule:

skateboarding because head surguery is very expensive! 


	5. 51 Things Carlisle May Not Do

**Here is the next chapter, 3 chapters in a day!!!! this ones about Carlisle and was the hardest so far as Carlisle always seems so serious... Anyways, Read and review!!!!!!!**

* * *

51 Things Carlisle Cullen Is Not Allowed To Do

_1. Drink from humans that he treats_

_2. Break anyone's bone/s just so that he can fix them_

_3. Try to mummify Bella..._

_4. And then say that he was studying the Egyptians_

_5. Attempt to teach anyone First Aid..._

_6. Then throw scalpels at any rebels_

_7. Throw a party every 1st day of the month_

_8. Tell Bella that if she has boob surgery Edward will change her_

_9. Try to give Alice a face lift..._

_10. Or give Rosalie a botox jab_

_11. Say that him and Jasper have had wild sex before_

_12. Chuck lollipops at people who don't like hospitals_

_13. Flirt with nurses at the hospital..._

_14. Or Renee, Bella's mum_

_15. Wear a tight, rubber speedo_

_16. Sing to any Michael Jackson song..._

_17. Or dance to any of Michael Jacksons songs_

_18. Jump from a cliff so that he can 'see how the body works'_

_19. Proclaim himself to be pregnant..._

_20. And say that the child's mother is Alice_

_21. Paint Alice's car blue with black stripes_

_22. Wander around the house in just his doctor cloak_

_23. Perform surgery on the dining table in the dining room..._

_24. And then say Esme's mind told him to_

_25. Steal Jasper's old army uniform..._

_26. Then decorate it with sequins and feathers_

_27. Kill any werewolf or person from the reservation_

_28. Dress up as a princess and tell everyone to call him Princess Cinderella..._

_29. And then scream Love Story by Taylor Swift at Edward..._

_30. Say that he will by Alice a whole new wardrobe of clothes if she kills a human_

_31. Graffiti the hospital walls with phrases like Edward is a VIRGIN_

_32. Call all Italians idiots and retards in front of Esme_

_33. Paint Edwards car pink and glue feather onto it_

_34. Make Isle Esme into a leisure island_

_35. Get drunk and try to work on surgery_

_36. Say that Edward tastes like a MacDonald's happy meal_

_37. Dye Emmett Jeep purple with glitter and sequins on_

_38. Tie Jasper down to a table and dye his hair green_

_39. Dye Rosalie's hair black while she is tied down to a chair..._

_40. Or bleach Alice's hair blonde_

_41. Sing to Mamma Mia..._

_42. Sing to Money, Money, Money..._

_43. In fact, Carlisle is not allowed to sing. Period_

_44. Make a deep cut on Bella..._

_45. And then spray it with lemonade_

_46. Dress up in tight pink boxers and put on cupid wings and a bow n' arrow..._

_47. Then shoot a plastic arrow at anyone who isn't in the 'valentine spirit'_

_48. Tell Esme that she's not allowed to buy any more pieces of furniture_

_49. Throw away any of Rosalie's make-up or her hair products..._

_50. Or steal any of Alice's fluffy, lacy bras, as she does not find it funny..._

_

* * *

_

***Carlisle runs into the living room with an Egyptian mummy and a bottle of hair bleach in his arms and a big grin on his face, Rosalie follows quickly behind him but her hairs black***

"Carlisle Cullen, rule 40 don't you dare attempt to bleach my hair blonde or I'll shave or of your hair off!!!!!!!!!! I warn you, if you come another step closer, I'll go get Esme here!!!!!!" Alice Cullen shouts at Carlisle furiously

"What the hell is that stinky thing in your hands Carlisle???? Oh no, why did you dye Rosalie's hair black AGAIN??????? Hello, rule number 39!!!!!!!" Bella asks Carlisle with a look of concern clear on her face

"I went to Egypt so that I could evacuate an Egyptian mummy for the art gallery in town!!!!!! No, back to Alice, would you like your hair lightly dyed or deeply dyed?" Carlisle replied in a casual tone

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!! I DO NOT WANT MY HAIR FUCKING BLEACHED IS THAT CLEAR CARLISLE?!" Alice yelled at Carlisle

***Bella grabs the pen that Alice is holding out to her and scribbles down rule number 51 with an evil smirk plastered on her face***

**

* * *

**

_ 51. Cullen is not allowed to steal anything in the continent or outside the continent, in fact no stealing ANYWHERE!!!!!!!_

_

* * *

**PLEASE REVIEW AND YOU'LL GET A COOKIE MILK IS OPTIONAL!!!!!!!**  
_


End file.
